It’s not an uncommon occurrence to stay friends with an ex, especially if it’s someone you dated in high school or college, or if you dated for a long time and have lots of mutual friends. So that means it’s not uncommon to end up in a situation where you are invited to the wedding of an ex. It can be hard to attend a wedding of an ex, especially if you’re single, but if you want to stay friends with your ex after their wedding day, here are a few guidelines to follow.

Don’t go to the wedding if you are still in love with your ex.

This should be a no brainer, but if you are still holding on to your past relationship with this person and hoping that there might be a possibility of reigniting your romance, then you really shouldn’t be there. They have made a decision to commit to another person, and if you can’t attend the wedding and fully support their decision, then you should stay home.

Don’t use your RSVP as an opportunity to confess your feelings to your ex.

If you decide not to attend the wedding, don’t use your RSVP response as a chance to confess your feelings or to tell your ex that you don’t think they should be getting married. Your ex and their partner do not need to know why you are deciding not to go. Tell them congratulations and that you’re sorry to miss their celebration, but that you already have plans or will be out of town.

Don’t talk about your feelings about the wedding on social media.

Even if you think you’re discussing things in a private space, things said on the internet have a way of getting shared. If you wouldn’t say it directly to your ex, and more importantly, their partner, don’t say it on social media.

Don’t use the wedding as an opportunity to try to make your ex jealous.

Even if you think that you are completely over your past relationship with your ex, if you feel the need to bring a date with the sole purpose of trying to make your ex jealous, then that’s a sign that you are probably NOT over it. Your ex might be annoyed knowing this is a manipulative move, or more likely they will just be happy that you are happy and won’t pick up on why you felt you needed to bring a person you were not really interested in. Your date may end up feeling like a pawn in a game, and your ex and their partner will be stuck paying for an extra guest that no one really knows that well.

Don’t make the wedding about you.

If you decide to go to the wedding and you feel yourself trying to take attention away from the couple at any point, take a step back and think about why you are trying to steal the spotlight. If you are dedicated to being a good friend to your ex, make sure to check yourself and your actions throughout the day and make sure that you are being a good friend and guest.

Being at an ex’s wedding is never an easy situation to be in, especially if you are still processing your own feelings, but if staying friends with your ex is a priority for you then following these guidelines will help you maintain that friendship beyond their wedding day.