Haven’t given much thought to your wedding ceremony, yet? Or perhaps, haven’t spent as much time thinking about your ceremony as you have everything else? Do you know that you should, but don’t know where to start? Or have you never really thought you needed to give your ceremony much thought? I hear you. I hear you all.

If you haven’t yet dedicated some brain space to your wedding ceremony, don’t worry I won’t ceremony shame you, but what I will do is give you ten ace questions to ask yourself which will get you into the ceremony zone and get you to throw some much needed thought in that direction. If you didn’t realise it already, your wedding ceremony is a pretty big deal — it’s where you actually get married, where life is breathed into your marriage, and the very reason why everything else on your wedding day happens. **Mic drops**

So let’s do this!

1. What Does Your Ceremony Mean to You?

My first question isn’t an easy one! I get that. At first, it can be quite difficult and daunting to figure out what your ceremony means to you, but give it a second and you’ll be surprised by what thoughts come to mind. Don’t confuse what you think your ceremony should mean to you with what it actually means to you. The two are very separate and very different. Dig deep, and hopefully the answers to this question will give you an awesome starting point for the rest of your ceremony planning.

2. What Do You Want from Your Ceremony?

Obviously, the number one answer here is to get married, as that is the end result that everyone wants from their ceremony. But there’s also some number two, three, and four answers that can help you to tune into what you really want to get out of it. What kind of vibe do you want your ceremony to have? What do you want it to mean to you both? What do you want it to say and reflect about you and your partner? Is your ceremony going to honour your religious or cultural roots, your personalities, and your passions and ideals?

3. Who Is Going to Conduct Your Ceremony?

Figuring out the answers to the first two questions will help you to decide on the best person to lead your ceremony. If you have the idea, vibe, and vision for your ceremony in place first, then it will pretty much draw a straight line to the person who you’ll need to carry out your vision. If, for example, you decide that you want your ceremony to be an interfaith one — one which blends both of your religions, faiths, and beliefs together — you will want to find yourself a wedding officiant or celebrant who has lots of experience with this type of ceremony. You may even decide you want a close friend or family member to officiate. Whoever you choose, work out what you want first. A cousin who is thrilled to be asked to lead your ceremony may not be as thrilled when they learn about the Pagan handfasting or smudging ritual that you want them to include. A what and a what? Exactly! Find your person — the right person.

4. Where Is Your Ceremony Going to Take Place?

This question also aligns itself nicely with the previous ones because only once you’ve truly figured out what you want for your ceremony can you then work out where you can have it. You may want to be married in a meadow, but your favourite pastor will only do it in a church. You might want to have a backyard wedding to fit with the cosy, comfy relaxed vibe that you want for your ceremony and wedding day. Or you may already have a venue in place which you’ll need to adapt your ceremony requirements around.

5. What Are Your Biggest Concerns about Your Ceremony?

It’s totally valid to have concerns about your ceremony, and even more valid to want to make sure they’re addressed. You might have a fear of public speaking that’s stressing you out about your wedding vows. You may be worried about your ceremony being too long, or too boring, or involving too many people. Get your concerns out in the open because there’s almost always an ace solution around the corner.

6. What Three Things Do You Really Want to Happen during Your Ceremony?

This can be a really fun list to make. If I was making this list now, high up on my list would be a Beyoncé group song. Full stop. I would also love to have a soul train at some point. So you see, start making your list now. It can be a lot of fun.

7. What Three Things Do You NOT Want to Happen at Your Ceremony?

Sometimes we are so caught up with what we want, whether that’s for the wedding ceremony itself or the rest of the wedding day, that we don’t think about what we don’t want and that is equally as important. Just because you put a lot of energy into the stuff you do want to materialise doesn’t mean the stuff you don’t want to happen won’t happen. You have to consciously set out to make sure those things don’t take place. For example, you may decide you don’t want anyone taking pictures during your wedding ceremony, especially that uncle of yours with his big-ass camera who gets in everyone’s way. For that not to happen you need to put up signs, write it into your ceremony programme, and let your wedding coordinator or members of your wedding party know because you’ve got to put as much energy into the “No”s as you do the “Yes”es.

8. How Would You Like Your Guests to Feel at Your Ceremony?

Although your ceremony is ALL about you and your love, unless it’s a pure elopement you will have guests to consider and sometimes it’s really nice to think about how you would like them to feel during your ceremony. Would you like a ceremony that brings your guests into the fold and makes them participants over mere witnesses? Would you like a ceremony that is informal and makes your guests feel relaxed? Or do you straight up want a ceremony focused on you, which your guests will simply witness and enjoy from afar? Everyone one is different, and it’s all about striking the right chord.

9. How Would You Like to Feel during Your Ceremony?

This is such a big question, and so important. We don’t take our feelings into account enough, especially when we are so preoccupied with the visual and logistical sides of planning a wedding. Just as you consider how you want your guests to feel, you should also consider how you and your partner want to feel. Do you want to avoid being the centre of attention? Do you want to feel embraced and loved by your friends and family? Do you want to feel relaxed and chill? Do you want to be vocal? Only you know how you want to feel, so get in tune with it.

10. And Lastly, How Do You Want Your Ceremony Area to Look?

There is a reason why this question is last — not because it’s not important, but because all the questions before it are a little bit more important. Once you have your internal vibe in place about your ceremony, you can then start manifesting that vibe into physical, practical, and aesthetic terms. Therefore, class is now dismissed and you can start planning the hell out of your ceremony decor and styling and start Pinteresting like a mo-fo. The end.

Happy ceremony planning, people!

NATASHA JOHNSON

Natasha Johnson has been a Wedding Celebrant for over a decade. When she’s not celebrating the shit out of marriage, she’s blogging the hell out of it on her wedding blog Engaged and Ready.