Words by Jessica. Photos by Nicki Fietzer of De Nueva Photography

The two of us met at college, before freshman year had even officially begun. We’d both signed up for a pre-orientation tour of LA’s arts and culture, so we found ourselves in a gathering of fellow incoming freshman standing around by the fountain out front, waiting to do a bunch of icebreakers. I noticed Kristen first, with the sunlight in their impossibly stylish platinum blond and blue-streaked haircut. Immediately, I felt I needed to know this person, offered to partner up for “get to know you icebreakers,” and from there we became inseparable.

We dated all throughout college and stayed together beyond graduation. By the time we got married, we had been together for nine years. Our engagement was both unsurprising and very surprising. After years of being together, living together as essentially married, we knew for a long time that we would get married someday but weren’t hurried to get engaged. Then, while we were sitting next to each other on a plane bound for Japan (a place we’d both wanted to travel to for so long), waiting to take off, I suddenly felt the emotional significance of this journey. I turned to Kristen and blurted out, “Hey. What if we just got engaged right now?” Kristen nodded and said “Yeah, that seems right.” So without any rings or plans, we were finally engaged. We spent the whole trip proposing to each other, a quiet joke to ourselves while riding trains, hiking mountains, walking through ancient temples, looking out into the sea.

We’ve been through so much together, our greatest highs and lows. We have a deep understanding of and joy in each other. We are partners in all things, from getting groceries to pursuing our creative life goals. Continually growing in unexpected ways and learning more about each other and ourselves over time is the best thing, and we’re excited to keep on doing it.

How did you pick your wedding venue?

We knew early on what aesthetic we wanted for our venue. We love Minneapolis and wanted a place with the old industrial vibes you find throughout the city — lots of glass, natural lighting, wood floors, exposed brick and steel. When we saw Watson Block’s space and it fit our vision perfectly. To top it off, the venue also already had gorgeous decor that perfectly fit our aesthetic, down to our color palette!

Choosing this space allowed us to have a much more richly decorated and furnished wedding than we could otherwise afford. We wouldn’t have been able to bring in crystal chandeliers, full length velvety red curtains, or matching lounge furniture on our own budget. Plus, they had an incredible piece that came with the space — an infinity piano! It was a fantastic bonus, and the whole reason we found Watson Block to begin with. The piano was custom built by a local artist, a friend of our friend, as we discovered through some Instagram posts. When you look into the piano case you see rows and rows of lights in a dark void, stretching out endlessly into infinity. It’s a breathtaking piece and the piano player we hired did a great job playing it during our social hour and reception.

What did you wear? Was any of your attire personally significant?

Both of us sported wonderful bespoke suits by King Brothers Clothiers. The bespoke suit experience is something we’d been looking forward to for a long time, especially since I love dapper queer style. It was fantastic being able to select all customization options for our suits, down to the thread color for buttonholes!

Our suits followed our wedding palette of deep jewel tone reds and blues and incorporated some special symbolic touches. My suit jacket was a deep red, with a blue patterned interior lining and contrast buttonholes as a nod to K. K’s suit was a deep blue, with red lining and thread, as a nod to my suit.

It was incredibly important to both of us to wear exactly what we wanted at our wedding, not whatever may be expected by wedding standards or by anyone else we know. Personal style is so empowering, and we wanted to feel our most powerful, radiant, and joyful. We knew we could do that by staying true to our unorthodox vision for our wedding ‘fits.

The two most important accessories of our outfits were K’s spindly, jeweled floral crown and my regal embroidered floral cape with satin blue lining. We commissioned artists for both pieces and had them custom made from scratch to perfectly make our visions a reality. We came up with fantasy personas for ourselves as inspiration for designing our individual looks — K as an ethereal fae prince and me as a roguish prince of bandits. Our artists were beyond amazing to work with, and we felt truly majestic and happy with how we dressed on our big day. We felt like our true selves.

What special elements did you include in your wedding day?

Almost a year before our wedding day, we journeyed with a couple of our dear friends to a workshop in Washington where an awesome jeweler helped us make our own wedding bands! Making our rings felt like a spot-on fit for us. We couldn’t really see ourselves walking into a traditional jewelry store and picking out rings; it didn’t feel like us. We’re both creatives and loved the idea of creating this really special, meaningful memory while crafting the rings with our own hands.

The process was so fun, the rings turned out beautifully, and our memories of that whole journey are so dear to us. Rather than having the traditional two wedding parties, one for each half of the couple, we decided to have one big beautiful gender-inclusive Wedding Court (in keeping with our royal theme). This worked best for us, since our closest people are all very much mutually dear to us. We kept the Court fairly small — six people in total — because we weren’t into the idea of needing to have a certain amount of people, filling slots for the sake of it. Everyone was chosen because of how significant they are to us.

Bringing our most loved friends from across the country and all different parts of our life together was the most special perk of throwing this wedding. They did so much to help and support us, and we had an unforgettable blast spending time with them.

We designed our ceremony from scratch as well, not basing it on any particular traditional wedding format. Instead we thought about what would be meaningful and fun for us and combined different elements. We didn’t want any recitations or other people’s words. Our friend who officiated for us wrote his own beautiful script, and we had two other incredibly personal speeches given as well. Another very dear and talented friend of ours provided all the singing and music for the ceremony, using songs significant to us. Each of us were walked down the aisle accompanied by our parents on our arms, and my niece Kat served as both flower girl and ring bearer, wearing a floral crown that matched K’s.

Our vows were the most important part of the ceremony to us. We wrote them ourselves, together, and we delivered them conversation-style, taking turns speaking. It was perfectly us to do this with each other every step. We’ve lived as though married for years, but very much felt the significance of celebrating us in an official way in front of loved ones. Marking this day with only our own earnest, vulnerable words to each other was the right way for us to seal our marriage.

What did you splurge on?

The biggest things we let ourselves splurge on were our elaborate wedding outfits, the Airbnb we booked for our Wedding Court, and our fully custom Reception menu. The Airbnb we were fortunate enough to stay in for our wedding week was indescribably cool. Essentially, it was a literal wizardy castle house in the middle of downtown Minneapolis, complete with stained glass, sculptural wrought iron spiral staircase, and other intricate artistic details. We’d actually known about the house for years, as we used to walk past it on the way to my internship at the time. It’s such a striking house even from the outside, so we had always wondered what was inside. Years later, it’s been converted to an Airbnb!

We, our Wedding Court, and their partners — twelve in all — lived the dream getting to be housemates in this breathtaking space. It was the perfect Wedding HQ for hosting our traditional Filipino kamayan style rehearsal dinner, DIYing all our Reception decor together as a well-oiled team, and just spending time together cooking, talking, and kicking back.

Our custom Reception menu was another splurge and entirely worth it. We LOVE food, big time, and were determined to have a delicious wedding. We decided against plated entrees and one big wedding cake. Instead, we went for tiny, unique, and variety. Both our caterers were great about collaborating with us on off-menu items, and they knocked it out of the park. For our meal foods, we took inspiration from our time together as college students in the multicultural culinary landscape of LA — all our favorite taco trucks, Korean BBQ, and Indian restaurants. For desserts, we wanted a whole bunch of cute fancy little treats — tiered red velvet mini cakes, lavender and mango panna cotta, mini cannolis, rugelach, and more! Many of our guests told us it was the best wedding food they’d had, so we’re totally happy with having made that happen.

What did you save on?

Our venue was a key money-saving point for us. We really lucked out by finding the venue through a friend at a time when they were still very new and just beginning to book weddings (their management is very experienced though, having other venue properties as well). We were also fortunately able to book on our ideal date of September 1st (an easy to remember palindrome — 9.1.19!). It was a Sunday, which is usually cheaper for booking weddings, as well as Labor Day weekend, giving out-of-town guests one extra day for traveling home.

Decor was another huge score for our budget. I love crafty stuff and can spend hours on Pinterest, so handling all our own decor was a no-brainer for us. We’re creatives, but you don’t need to be super artistic or professional to pull it off. The biggest factors are some good ideas and planning, starting early, and having lots of help from good family and friends. We approached decor with a strong feel for our aesthetic concept, but without strict guidelines to make everything exactly matching. This allowed us to piece together amazing centerpieces by combining tons of thrifted elements, acrylic gems, artificial florals and berries, and homemade himmeli shapes made of gold paper straws and string.

Thrifting was so key, I’d definitely recommend considering it. Thrift stores have all sorts of inexpensive treasures — vases, colorful cut glassware, metal bowls with antique patina, photo frames, everything. We had tons of fun with this process too, since it had an element of surprise treasure hunting and allowed us to flex our creativity and resourcefulness.

We also were able to cut a couple standard elements out of our budget entirely because they weren’t important to us personally. We decided to forego a dance floor and a band or DJ, since we opted for a laid back lounging reception with games and conversation. We also skipped alcoholic drinks because we and most of our wedding party don’t drink. Instead, we put that money back into delicious food, non-alcoholic mixed drinks, and fancy desserts for everyone.

What was totally worth the time or money invested in it?

One of the more unorthodox elements of our wedding was our super indulgent take on a first dance. Although a traditional dance would have been lovely, we felt a little self-conscious and awkward at the idea of just the two of us dancing in front of everyone.

At one point during planning, we were trying to figure out some way to incorporate swords into the wedding, because I just love swords. A friend gave the idea for us doing a sword dance. It totally clicked with us, like “Oh, of course! If swords are involved, it’s absolutely worth doing a dance.”

We’re not the first to perform with swords at a wedding, but mostly what we’ve seen others do is a swashbuckling sword fight between the newlyweds, or between the groom and his groomsmen. It wasn’t quite what we were going for. Instead of an action movie fight scene, we wanted to convey a conversation in physical form. Less aggressive, more in sync. Drawing from some of our favorite swordplay inspirations — Steven Universe, Revolutionary Girl Utena, The Princess Bride, Zorro — we wanted to create something that told a story of us, with elegance, playfulness, and fluid dance elements.

We really lucked out in finding the perfect person to coach us. A friend who’s totally plugged into the local theater scene was able to recommend us a choreographer with both stage fighting and wedding dance instruction experience. Literally the best possible choreographer for us. She was equally as thrilled as us to collaborate on designing and coaching us through our dream choreography. Her thoughtfulness in basing the routine off our personal story and hitting all the elements we hoped for was incredible. Over the course of four sessions with her, we went from never having held a stage sword or learned a dance to being able to smoothly cross blades and waltz step, exactly timed to our Sailor Moon music. I think it really surprised a lot of our guests and even venue staff told us they loved it. Totally worth all the work we put in.

What, in retrospect, could you have skipped?

We ended up bringing way more games than necessary! Because our reception wasn’t dance-focused, we wanted to give our guests options for what to do while lounging. We and many of our friends and family are big into board games, card games, puzzles, so we had a whole array of games great for quick learning and setup, cooperative play, and with pretty game pieces. We had a jigsaw puzzle or two in case some folks were feeling introverted. We even had a couple lawn games (giant Connect Four and lawn flamingo ring toss)!

Turns out we really didn’t need to over plan reception activities, though. Not having a dance-centric reception with a band or DJ is often booed, but if it feels right for you as a couple and for your gathering, don’t sweat it so much. Trust that these people are here to celebrate you and maybe to catch up with each other or connect with new folks as well. They’ll chat and joke, they’ll love snapping photos (we had an Instax and plenty of film; photo booths are great too!), and they’ll generally keep themselves entertained. You’re throwing a wedding, not planning for the apocalypse; you do not need to plan for every possible detail.

What is your best planning advice to other couples?

I said this in my thank you speech to our entire gathering, and I think it’s the biggest thing I learned from two years of planning a wedding myself: You can just do things, actually. Seriously. Maybe we can’t all afford a palace or a champagne fountain for our wedding, but there are so many amazing things you can have for your wedding that you may not think of at first. Want a sword duel-dance hybrid set to a Sailor Moon song for your first dance? Ask around for nerdy theater folks with experience in choreography and stage fighting who would be thrilled to work with you! Need a fancy cape or an intricate crown? Look for creative folks who do custom work by asking friends, searching Etsy, or researching local designers, cosplayers, and artists. Craving a delicious feast of only tiny foods? Try asking your caterer if they’re open to doing custom menu items and how you can work that out with your budget. You’d be surprised how many things you can make happen for your wedding if you just have the idea and try doing some research.

Don’t feel obligated to include things in your wedding just because they are what’s “always done” at weddings, or because other people expect it from you. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box! There are infinite ways to throw a wedding and really thinking about what you love and don’t love will help you design a celebration you’ll be truly happy with. Don’t limit yourself just to wedding-specific vendors and all the standard wedding accoutrement either. Experience with weddings can be potentially critical for certain vendors, but who’s to say you can’t have your favorite food truck cater your event, or grab party catering from your favorite Thai restaurant if your venue allows outside catering?

Do ask your friends and family for help. With recommendations, shopping trips, DIY decor, whatever — they love you, they want to help you, and chances are they know people and have skills that you yourself don’t have.

Do throw a wedding that is authentically you, and that you’ll both genuinely enjoy. It’s a celebration of the two of you and all the joy you bring to the world together. The more of your personalities and passions you pour into your wedding, the richer, more interesting, and more memorable it’ll be for you and your loved ones.

Why are you excited to be featured on Catalyst?

We first learned about Catalyst over a year ago from our jeweler, With These Rings, when we were making our wedding rings! She had copies of your magazine in her studio and shared them with me after we had talked about my passion for queer brands, especially suiting clothiers. I was thrilled to see a publication that beautifully highlighted a whole range of queer folks. Finding people who shared our values and were totally inclusive was crucial to us in selecting every vendor we partnered with. The whole wedding industry is inundated with representation of heteronormativity, whiteness, and the same types of couples and weddings, over and over. Catalyst is a breath of fresh air. It feels close and real. It feels like seeing ourselves.

Vendors

Photographer | De Nueva Photography, by Nicki Fietzer

Videographer | Mae B Films, by Nikki Miller

Venue | Watson Block Event Center

Caterer | Sterling Catering

Dessert Caterer | Deco Catering

Ceremony Singer/Musician | Noelle Pangilinan

Ring-making instructor | With These Rings, by Stephanie Selle

Bespoke Suiting Clothier | King Brothers Clothiers

Cape Designer | Samantha Rei

Crown Designer | Jean Fioca

Enamel Pins Designers | Francesca Buchko & Justin Oaksford

Reception Pianist | Nate Hance

DE NUEVA PHOTOGRAPHY

De Nueva Photography is a New York City photography studio specializing in elopements and weddings for fun, offbeat and adventurous couples from around the globe. I think getting your wedding photo taken should be an enjoyable, relaxed experience. I aim to capture you being you, hanging out, laughing and maybe sharing a snuggle with your favorite person in the world. When not taking pictures I'm a travel addict, a runner and yogi who loves to cook in kitchens well stocked with wine.